It’s been a while so I decided to write on my birthday. It’s my last year before I turn 50. 😳 How the hell did I get this old?? I don’t feel it at all!
48 was a crazy year! A lot has happened this past year…I mean A LOT! I graduated with my masters- YAY!!! By far one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Needless to say, I’m done with school for a LONG TIME!!! Which is ironic…hard to do when you’re a teacher but I’ll stick with being in front of the class for a while.
There has been a lot of ups and downs this year but the biggest thing I have learned throughout it all is my health needs to be a priority; both physically and emotionally. I was diagnosed with anxiety; which really didn’t surprise me. I was overwhelmed with everything and what do I do when I become overwhelmed? I withdraw and I avoid; it was my coping mechanism. Not the best way to deal with things but it was a way to protect myself; protect myself from being hurt, from being overwhelmed, from letting my feelings consume me. My thoughts and fears were overwhelming at times…I didn’t know how to handle it so I withdrew…from everything and everyone. I also lashed out at the people closest to me; not proud of that, at all. I will figure out how to apologize to those I have upset or hurt through all of this. It’s not me, it’s not who I am and I hate that I have hurt them. I also learned I tend to absorb other people’s stress, especially from those closest to me! It caused more havoc with my emotions. I was a hot mess.
I am working on a being a better version of myself. I am seeing a therapist, exercising regularly, eating healthy, sleeping…well I try but I still need to work on that one. 🙄 This new exercise program I am doing is seriously crushing my abs, ass and arms. I love it! It uses weights, resistance bands, and slides for an intense whole body workout. It’s awesome! I am a work in progress!!!! Progress not perfection! I forgot how much I love exercising; it keeps me grounded!
ha ha that cracked me up because we all do it! Like I said…I am a work in progress! Not bad for a 49 year old…I will keep plugging along!
Quiet-it’s new to me. And I don’t mean outside noise level; the quiet that comes when your mind isn’t racing every minute you’re awake. I am working on being present. A concept so difficult to do when your brain won’t slow down. I’ve been in this state for so long, it was so hard to be present. It’s difficult to explain-It’s hard to slow down because you don’t want your mind to race. You hate the feeling because it consumes you. So I tried not to stop. I would continue to take on more and more so I would be constantly busy. I know when I did stop, I would fall asleep; partly because it’s exhausting having my mind race all the time and partly because I didn’t want to think. Ahhh…horrible cycle. One that I didn’t know I was in and definitely didn’t know how to stop it. I’m slowly figuring it out and so much more…thankfully! I’m learning balance; the balance I need within myself. My family and friends have been my rock and I am forever grateful for their love and support.❤️
I have a lot of things planned this year that I am really looking forward to-a couple concerts (Bon Jovi and Pearl Jam at Wrigley-I. Can’t. Wait. I am seriously giddy about seeing PJ), a few vacations, and of course, seeing a cubs game or two! So 49 is looking to be pretty damn good!!